define love

ask ten people to define love and you'll get ten vague answers involving butterflies, soulmates, and "you just know." that's not a definition. that's a hallmark card.

the problem with vague desire

you can't seek what you can't define. and most people are out there chasing a feeling they've never bothered to articulate, wondering why they keep ending up confused and disappointed.

leo buscaglia called love the process of actualizing together -- two people helping each other become more fully themselves. ayn rand defined it as the selfish pleasure derived from the virtues of another person's character. those are wildly different definitions, and they lead to wildly different relationships.

why your definition matters

your definition of love becomes your filter. it determines who you pursue, what you tolerate, and when you walk away. if your definition is "someone who makes me feel good," you'll chase dopamine hits. if your definition involves mutual growth, you'll build something that actually lasts.

most relationship problems aren't about compatibility. they're about two people operating from completely different unexamined definitions of what love even means.

how to define it for yourself

sit down and actually write it out. not a poem. a clear, honest statement:

• is love a feeling or a practice?
• does it require sacrifice or enhance self-interest?
• is it unconditional or does it have standards?
• what separates love from infatuation, comfort, or codependency?

don't borrow someone else's answer. the point is to get clear on what you mean when you use that word. because you've been using it your whole life, and there's a good chance you've never once stopped to examine what you actually mean by it.

do this today

write your definition in one or two sentences. compare it to how you've been living. notice the gap. that gap is where most of your relationship confusion lives.

if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.