how to not give a fuckbecome persuasive
if you've ever been frustrated by someone not seeing things your way — despite your clearly superior logic — the problem isn't your argument. it's your understanding of persuasion.
the science of influence
Robert Cialdini spent decades studying why people say yes. his book "Influence" distilled it into six principles that govern human decision-making. these aren't opinions — they're research-backed patterns that have been replicated thousands of times.
the six principles
1. liking — people say yes to people they like. this isn't about being fake. it's about finding genuine common ground, being warm, and showing authentic interest.
2. reciprocity — when you give something first, people feel compelled to give back. buy someone coffee. offer help without being asked. the universe of favors has compound interest.
3. social proof — people look to others to determine correct behavior. "thousands of people have already signed up" works because we're herd animals at heart. use testimonials, numbers, and examples of others doing what you're proposing.
4. commitment and consistency — people who make small commitments tend to follow through with larger ones. get a small "yes" before asking for a big one. "do you agree that health is important?" is a gateway to a gym membership pitch.
5. authority — people defer to experts. establish credibility before making your case. credentials, experience, and knowledge all build authority.
6. scarcity — people want what's limited. "only 3 left" and "offer expires tomorrow" work because we fear missing out more than we desire gaining.
the ethics of persuasion
knowing these principles comes with responsibility. using them to manipulate people into things that harm them is wrong. using them to communicate your genuine value, help people make decisions that benefit them, or get buy-in for good ideas — that's fair game.
the assignment
read "Influence" by Cialdini. it's one of the most practical books ever written. then spend a week noticing these principles in every advertisement, negotiation, and conversation around you.
once you see it, you can't unsee it. and you'll never be easily manipulated again.
if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.